30th ANNUAL LIZARD LICK FESTIVAL
I can squeeze a quarter so tight i can make George Washington say uncle.
If your dog doesn’t like you, chances are you wife/girlfriend won’t either
Why do they put flotation devices under the seats of planes and not parachutes?
Your nose is close to your mouth for a reason. Try figuring it out before you walk up, breath smelling like you just chewed a butthole out of a skunk.
Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear and Chuck Norris wears Bobby Brantley underwear.