| A lazy person will never buy an item with a handle, because that could mean work for them, and lazy folks are as useful as chicken crap on a doorknob. |
| Telling a man to go to hell and making him are two different things, and a lot of times when you try, you find out that dog isn’t going to hunt. |
| Today you can step up or down. You can step left or right. You can step in or out. Bottom line is you don’t want to get walked on, so get to stepping. |
| That awkward moment when you realize when your wife said she was hungry you were not supposed to say “me too, what are you cooking for dinner?” |
Just met a guy whose family tree not only has no branches, but they must harvest carrots cause it grow underground.
