I think the only reason my mother in law wasn’t with Noah on the ark, is they couldn’t find another monster I mean animal that looked like her.
I’m just in love with a woman more perfect than perfection, prettier than a speckled pup and hotter tan a fire ants nest in a flash flood
If you can’t be everything to everybody just be something to someone.
The only true way to judge and value your future is to use the past as the Mark and the measuring cup.
| Xanax, the miracle drug that was made solely for the purpose of riding shotgun when your fifteen year old daughter is driving. |