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That awkward moment when you realize when your wife said she was hungry you were not supposed to say “me too, what are you cooking for dinner?”

Be careful never to corner anything meaner than you.

Bobby’s tougher than Tarzan feet, twenty year old shoe leather, a three dollar pig steak, a ten year old government mule and garlic toast breath

Remember everyone in your life will be one of two things, a blessing or a lesson, either way they will serve a purpose

Xanax, the miracle drug that was made solely for the purpose of riding shotgun when your fifteen year old daughter is driving.