| If you try arguing with someone so dumb that they need watering, then you might as well wipe your butt with a wagon wheel… there isn’t any end to that either. |
| If you always speak the truth you won’t ever have to worry about your memory, and that dog will always hunt. |
| You want to see someone laugh? Tell God or your wife you’re in control. Both will let you know real quick you’re living in a fantasy world. |
| Well call me butter because I’m on a roll because I used to be schizophrenic, but now we’re okay and just hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit. |
| I’m no different than you. First thing I do when I get up in the morning is take a leak. To remember you can make a difference by not being different. |