I can squeeze a quarter so tight i can make George Washington say uncle.
| A buddy of mine just introduced me to his new lady. She’s a moped girl, the kind you want to ride, but don’t want your friends to catch you on. |
The mosquito that bit him last night is hungover this morning.
A person is not defined by what they accomplish rather by what they were willing to try and accomplish on the heels of a failure.
Common sense is like a hot shower, the people who need it the most use it the least.